It was with great heartbreak and disappointment that I learned about the divorce of you and Kim Kardashian. Not for the fact that she ended your sham marriage, but for the fact that you were so upset and manic that you moved out of our Hoboken, NJ self-storage property. I get that you were completely “blindsided”, but why Kris, why move out of our conveniently located, professionally managed and uber-clean property? Why not take some time to figure out where life is taking you while keeping your treasured items in storage?
I will never forgive Kim for the turmoil she has caused you, and now Extra Space Storage. Adding insult to injury, you were so shaken that you neglected to carry our Extra Space Storage branded box right-side up with your hand not blocking the logo. Like Jimi Hendrix’s or Jim Morrison’s gravesites, Extra Space Storage of Hoboken is now an impromptu memorial for your manhood and literally “one’s” of people have come by to drop off mementos of your stay with us. It currently consists of a Utah Jazz jersey, a stuffed gopher, a book on how to keep a straight face, and a bunch of chick’s phone numbers.